Tuesday, February 19, 2008
♥ 009.
a letter to my ex:
I know you're trying to avoid me. why, I'm not sure. I never did anything wrong to hurt you but you don't realize how much I'm hurting. Every second my heart continues to break and it's gotten to the point where It maybe driving me insane. I haven't spoken to you in 2 weeks. Last we spoke, I was still comming down from my meds and crashing from being sedated from surgery and one night, you weren't even online, I had reached my lowest point that I don't want to relive. I was so suicidal that I was suprised that I didn't run into on comming traffic..well then again, I was still crashing from my medication. I really wish you were around to help me. To help me understand what was going on. To at least be there for me when I lost it, when I couldn't take it anymore. I wish you were around to tell me to sleep or help me sleep. But now I'm sitting here like the pathetic loser that I am crying my eyes out over something that you wrote on DA about your "new girlfriend" and then when you posted the layout that you made for me saying "something I made for a friend of mine" you have no idea how much that killed me. That you're showering this girl with love and affection and attention and I'm sitting here waiting for acceptance from you and it's killing me every minute. Its gotten to the point where I can't even catch a breath and I feel like the weight of the world is on my sholders. From the day that we started talking (Thanksgiving Day) I knew I wanted to be with you. I tried to make you so happy that day and I hope that I did make you happy cause somehow in the end, we were lucky enough to have each other. You're 10 years older than I am but that doesnt really make a difference in anything. Sure I'm the youngest girl that you've dated but It felt good to tell someone that I was taken by you. I still replay that voice mail that you left me when I had my English midterm. I didn't expect you to call me, but you did. You called just to wish me luck on my midterm and I ended up passing it with a B. You were my best friend, my savior, my worst enemy. You told me when I was right, when I was wrong and when I was acting stupid. You were there to pick up the peices of a bad day and now Im here picking up the peices of a broken heart and writing this. Cause I was foolish enough to fall in love with you and hey! guess what Chuck, I somehow still am falling for you. All I want is to be given another chance but I cant even get that.
I miss talking to you.
I miss hearing your voice.
I miss seeing your pictures even though I saved everyone you sent me.
And I still manage to laugh at our inside jokes about pudding and the orly owls.
I still read all the emails and remember the txt messages. I still even have that txt that you sent to me in italian.
I still remember telling you about who I learned about in class and you didn't know who or what I was talking about.
But I hope you're happy now fucking her and leaving me to pick up the peices of yet again another broken heart.
Im not becoming bitter and I hope it doesnt show but It's now just plain old hurt.
I fell to fast for you and look what I got out of it.
But thats nothing new.
And thats the tale from another broken heart.
love always,
Rae
xoxo
I know you're trying to avoid me. why, I'm not sure. I never did anything wrong to hurt you but you don't realize how much I'm hurting. Every second my heart continues to break and it's gotten to the point where It maybe driving me insane. I haven't spoken to you in 2 weeks. Last we spoke, I was still comming down from my meds and crashing from being sedated from surgery and one night, you weren't even online, I had reached my lowest point that I don't want to relive. I was so suicidal that I was suprised that I didn't run into on comming traffic..well then again, I was still crashing from my medication. I really wish you were around to help me. To help me understand what was going on. To at least be there for me when I lost it, when I couldn't take it anymore. I wish you were around to tell me to sleep or help me sleep. But now I'm sitting here like the pathetic loser that I am crying my eyes out over something that you wrote on DA about your "new girlfriend" and then when you posted the layout that you made for me saying "something I made for a friend of mine" you have no idea how much that killed me. That you're showering this girl with love and affection and attention and I'm sitting here waiting for acceptance from you and it's killing me every minute. Its gotten to the point where I can't even catch a breath and I feel like the weight of the world is on my sholders. From the day that we started talking (Thanksgiving Day) I knew I wanted to be with you. I tried to make you so happy that day and I hope that I did make you happy cause somehow in the end, we were lucky enough to have each other. You're 10 years older than I am but that doesnt really make a difference in anything. Sure I'm the youngest girl that you've dated but It felt good to tell someone that I was taken by you. I still replay that voice mail that you left me when I had my English midterm. I didn't expect you to call me, but you did. You called just to wish me luck on my midterm and I ended up passing it with a B. You were my best friend, my savior, my worst enemy. You told me when I was right, when I was wrong and when I was acting stupid. You were there to pick up the peices of a bad day and now Im here picking up the peices of a broken heart and writing this. Cause I was foolish enough to fall in love with you and hey! guess what Chuck, I somehow still am falling for you. All I want is to be given another chance but I cant even get that.
I miss talking to you.
I miss hearing your voice.
I miss seeing your pictures even though I saved everyone you sent me.
And I still manage to laugh at our inside jokes about pudding and the orly owls.
I still read all the emails and remember the txt messages. I still even have that txt that you sent to me in italian.
I still remember telling you about who I learned about in class and you didn't know who or what I was talking about.
But I hope you're happy now fucking her and leaving me to pick up the peices of yet again another broken heart.
Im not becoming bitter and I hope it doesnt show but It's now just plain old hurt.
I fell to fast for you and look what I got out of it.
But thats nothing new.
And thats the tale from another broken heart.
love always,
Rae
xoxo
Am i really never good enough for you?
8:32 PM
0 commented
8:32 PM
0 commented
♥ 007.
i need a change of pace.
i need to get out of here.
Im sitting here listening to "Here Is Gone" by The Goo Goo Dolls and its making me think.
I want to work at a concert venue.
I want to take pictures.
I want to live my life the way I want to.
But I cant.
and another thing...
I wanna stop being looked at as a joke.
even the security guards at shows look at me as a joke.
and im sick of it.
I wanna be taken as a serious photographer.
Just because I don't have the right camera and I use a regular digital camera doesnt mean i cant take professional looking pictures.
and in leiu of what I just said, I think my friends band isnt gonna use me for pictures anymore since their bassests girlfriend is doing their photos.
that actually hurts even though my friend broke it to me nicely.
still hurts.
i need to get out of here.
Im sitting here listening to "Here Is Gone" by The Goo Goo Dolls and its making me think.
I want to work at a concert venue.
I want to take pictures.
I want to live my life the way I want to.
But I cant.
and another thing...
I wanna stop being looked at as a joke.
even the security guards at shows look at me as a joke.
and im sick of it.
I wanna be taken as a serious photographer.
Just because I don't have the right camera and I use a regular digital camera doesnt mean i cant take professional looking pictures.
and in leiu of what I just said, I think my friends band isnt gonna use me for pictures anymore since their bassests girlfriend is doing their photos.
that actually hurts even though my friend broke it to me nicely.
still hurts.
Am i really never good enough for you?
9:20 AM
0 commented
9:20 AM
0 commented